When u lose it, u lose it forever

Disappoinment kills off every positive aspects in a relationship. I thought I have found the person I really love and keep by myself for the rest of my life. But the disappoinments are really filling me up to the brim. Maybe it is me, maybe it is him. It takes two hands to clap.. but I think he is losing one that is willing to clap with him.

Just a note for him:

I never expect you to fetch me about, never expect u to buy me dinner. All i ask for this past one month plus is ur attention, ur sweetness, ur careness. Your decision and ur action never fail to add on to the already a lot disappoinment that is trap in my heart. You have the ability to make me feel xinfu, but u have the capability to make me feel like a loser. Your friends, you may have all of them. I do not bother or matter anymore. Leave ur sweetness, attention, ur careness to them. Cos I will alway feel like a substitute in your life, only when u have nothing to do u will think of me. Last time, after ur friends is me. But now, after ur outside friends is ur army friends, after ur army friends, is ur game, after ur game is ur sleep, after ur sleep, is ur food. I never know where i stand. When i am free now t accompany u, u push me aside, telling me how important ur friends are. but when I am busy with school, u complain to me that i have no time for u. I really dunno what to do but let go. maybe that best for both of us.